Twelve

    

  

One two three

Four five six

Seven eight nine

Ten eleven twelve

Nose pickers

Came to the Kindergarten art class

One two three

Four five six

Seven eight nine

Ten eleven twelve

And they all sneezed boogies

All over the art room

And then their art teacher felt the twinge. And the twitch. And the tightening of the throat and the running of the nose and the sneezing of the germs and it only took three weeks.

Back to school, gotta love it.

20 Things An Elementary Art Teacher Will Never Tell You

   
Yeah, I'm talking to you, regular classroom teachers.

1. When you say things like, "At least you only teach art," we want to punch you in the face. Just because we only teach one subject doesn't mean we don't work as hard as you or that our job is any easier than yours. I teach 21 different classes. That's 21 different groups of students with different group dynamics and different levels of understanding and ability. Not to mention I teach seven different grade levels. You teach one group of students at one grade level, and yes, you may teach four or five different subjects, but at least you don't have to teach a class of 24 Kindergartners to draw the human figure and then immediately switch gears to explain to 6th graders how to convey the message, "We Hold Peace in Our Hands" through art.
2. We have our favorite classes. Yours is not one of them.
3. We probably don't know your first name. And furthermore, we probably wouldn't recognize you anywhere in our building other than standing outside our door. And outside of school? Forget about it. Especially when you're new to the school like me. Again, 21 different classes in 3 different schools. You'll be lucky if I even remember your last name by Thanksgiving.
4. We assume your students' behavior in our room is a reflection of your classroom management skills. Or lack thereof. Seriously, I can tell you exactly what teachers have unruly classrooms based on the way their students act when they come to my room. And if your classroom management sucks, it means I have to work extra hard at managing your group of kids while they're in my room. Oh, and #2 definitely applies to you.
5. We don't have the time, the patience, nor the memory to keep track of your classroom's tally/chip/point/star system, so please don't ask us to use it in our room. I have my own classroom management strategies. An art room is drastically different than a regular classroom. Chances are, I have multiple different classroom management strategies and systems in place for different classes and grade levels. Your system will not work in my room. End of story. Oh, and when you pick your kids up and I tell you they earned a point or a chip or 10 seconds of talking time, I totally just made it up on the spot. 
6. We hate it when your class goes on fieldtrips. There's nothing I hate more than having a class miss art because they went on a field trip. No, wait. There's nothing I hate more than not being told a class is going on a field trip and having them not show up for art. I don't keep track of your classroom calender. I have no idea what goes on outside of my room. Chances are, I didn't get the memo. Assuming one went out. Yes, the nurse, the cafeteria, the custodians, the PE teacher and the bus drivers all got it, but the art teacher? Nope. Oh, and telling us we're lucky because we won't have your class that day is insulting. We work just as hard as regular classroom teachers to plan out our lessons. When your students miss a class, it throws our curriculum plan off by weeks.
7. Our favorite students are not the same as your favorite students. I tend to favor the kids with personality. The ones who get in trouble in your class. The ones who can't be bothered with things like math and language arts. Chances are good that those students thrive in my classroom. Your good students? Chances are they do exactly what they need to do and their work looks exactly like my sample piece. This is not a good thing. They lack creativity and originality. 
8. We kind of envy that you have time to sit down and eat lunch. Even if it is in the cafeteria with your students. I rarely have time to sit down, let alone eat something.
9. We can tell you have a substitute in your room even before your class shows up for art. Because they're late. Or early. Seriously, is it that hard to leave directions to the art room for your subs? If I can hear your class coming down the hallway before I can see them, I'm pretty sure you're out today and there's a substitute. Your students are horribly behaved when you're out. Which makes my job that much harder. Not that that's your fault, I'm just saying. Although, a little heads up wouldn't hurt, but I understand, you're busy.
10. Yes, we're art teachers. No, we don't want to make your poster for you.
11. Art teachers hate glitter. And popsicle sticks and pom poms and feathers and pipe cleaners. Yes, most of us have these in our classrooms, but I can assure you, we have no idea where they came from. A colleague and I are convinced the craft cabinet breeds in the middle of the night. Crafts are not the same as art.
12. Crafts are not the same as art.
13. We have to pee. Like, all the time. 
14. We don't want the bag of rejects you amassed while cleaning out your junk craft room at home. Stop bringing it in to us. I have no use for 28 wooden spools or that box of 85 to-be-painted wooden cut-out Santas you have. Stop it right now. Stop. Right now.
15. Your students complain about you in our room. We let them do it. I do not, however, complain along with them. I just provide them with a safe and comfortable environment to vent their frustrations about you. Nothing against you, I just understand that everyone needs to vent from time to time.
16. We feel isolated and alone 88% of the time we're at work. For real. Regular classroom teachers have team meetings and math meetings and ELS meetings and ESOL meetings. You have a bond and relationship that elementary art teachers only dream of being a part of. Our lunch time isn't the same time as yours. Our planning time isn't the same time as yours. We don't get invited to IEP meetings. You only visit when you want something. Or when you're dumping your students off on us. Heck, we feel more welcomed by and closer to your students than we do by you.
17. We aren't journalists. Don't ask us to come in and document your Bahama themed party with our digital camera. That's what parent volunteers are for.
18. We hate having an "extra set of helping hands" in our room. Aides, assistants and volunteers in the art room create more work for me. It's like babysitting adults. They don't know what to do, where to stand, or how to hand out supplies. And they certainly don't understand my unique style of classroom management. Plus, 9 times out of 10 the working noise level in my room will drive them bat shit.
19. It makes us feel good when your students bring us leftover snacks. Especially on birthdays.  Although most of the time, I will admit, I don't dare eat the snack they bring. It still feels good to know that I'm good enough for your leftovers. You get holiday and end-of-the-year gifts. I get the smooshed cupcakes and broken cookies that no one else wanted. Would it kill you to request that your students start bringing in whiskey and ginger ale for snack though? Trust me, after my first three classes of the day (an hour each), I could use the pick-me up.
20. Art teachers are super stars. We have admirers down every hallway. We know you your students think we're super cool, and we know you're envious and wish you could be like us. My adoring fans shout out to me from across the cafeteria, wave to me from bus windows and high-five me in the hallways. Your quiet hallway line instantly becomes a twitter with "hi"s and "Do we have art todays?"s when I walk by. Line rules are broken for hugs. Grouchy frowns turn into excited smiles. "Hands by our sides" quickly spring up for quick and energetic flappy greetings. Your students love us. You wish you could be us. And we love everything, and I do mean everything, about being an art teacher.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

... because you might actually get it. And then... you... are going... to be... beat.

A few weeks ago I was complaining about not having a job and having a rough time finding a job. This week I survived three different first days at three different schools I'm now teaching at. Three. Yes, I said three. Within the span of (about) a week I had three interviews and all of a sudden I had three jobs. Technically, I have three part-time jobs, but financially speaking, I'm employed full-time with one school system (I won't tell you which one, but I will tell you that it ranks in the top 20 of the largest school districts in the US). The schools I'm working in couldn't be any more different from each other...