Dear Second Grader:

Don't pick your nose while painting in art, because...

EVERYONE'S GOING TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

Why else would you be walking around with orange nostrils that match your orange fingertips?

Sincerely,
Your Art Teacher

Dear Crayola®:

Why? I mean, seriously, why? Why, oh why, would you do this to us poor teachers? Apparently your new marker design is "greener" since they're made from recycled bottle caps, and I'm all about being green, BUT I am not a fan of dumb ideas. And this, Crayola®, this is a dumb design.

When a child reaches into the box of markers for the blue marker, takes the blue cap off the marker, and starts coloring, you know what they're expecting? Yeah, they're expecting to be coloring in blue. Not purple or green or black or red. And you know what it sounds like when a student discovers that the marker they thought was blue turns out to be green? Well, I can tell you one thing, it doesn't sound like a happy art student.

So I ask you again, Crayola®, why would you do this? I mean, what Kindergartner is going to take the time to test the color of the marker before using it? Well, as it turns out, it's the Kindergartner whose marker caps were on the wrong color marker three times in a row. But that's besides the point.

Take a close look at what you've designed. ALL black markers in which the only indicator of color is the removable cap?* Really, Crayola®, really? Wasn't there a better "green" solution being tossed around during your brain storming sessions? You guys came up with Model Magic® for crying out loud. And Color Wonder®. Did you even think to ask any teachers what they thought? Because I guarantee you they'd spot the flaw in your design instantly.

I suggest you head back to the drawing board. Pun intended.

UPDATE: Apparently the color is written on the side of the marker. I did not know this. But I think that just proves my point even further. If the art teacher doesn't even notice the name on the side, how will the kids? (Thanks Shaunautumn, for pointing that out!)

* Yes, I realize the tip of the marker can indicate color, but again, that approach is flawed. Red and orange look an awfully lot alike, and how can one expect eager, excited students who rarely ever get to use markers to take the time to study the tip prior to coloring? But you get that, right? Of course you do.

Speak Softly and They Shall Listen

The other day, during a sixth grade art class, I was introducing a new lesson while trying to compete with the Spring fever in the air. The kids were chatty, they were giggly, and they're inability to pay attention, while amusing, was just not allowing anything productive to occur. I found myself continuously raising my voice for their attention. At one point, a girl in the back raised her hand. When I called on her she motioned me closer. And then she motioned me closer. When I got near she put her hand on my arm and whispered in my ear,

"You know, Ms. Art Teacher, if you talk in a soft voice, they'll pay attention."

I'll admit, I was a bit taken aback. Maybe a bit is an understatement. I was amazed, and ashamed, that a sixth grader was providing constructive criticism of my classroom management. But she was right, and that was more appalling to me than the fact that it took a sixth grader to make me see the error of my ways.

Speaking calm and softly in the classroom is Teacher Training 101. And in this particular school, I have very rarely found myself raising my voice with the students. In the past. So what was happening? Why was I using my "Oh no, you're in trouble now" Teacher's Voice while providing instruction? Well, my list of excuses could go on and on, blaming everything from Mother Nature to pregnancy hormones to end-of-the-year burnout come early. But what it really comes down to, I think, is that I just forgot. Thank you, sixth grade girl, for reminding me what kind of teacher I prefer to be.

Maybe I should pick up one of these signs for my classroom.

A Midweek Gripe

Curses to whoever decided our Spring break had to coincide with Easter. We haven't had a day off since January. JANUARY! And who decided Easter was going to be so late this year? I still can't remember how that gets determined. And who told the kids it was okay to come down with Spring fever in mid-March? They're running around like freakin' little Energizer Bunnies, meanwhile my batteries are in need of a serious recharge.

4 1/2 more weeks. Four. And a half. More. Weeks. I will survive this.

Someone Knocked Up the Art Teacher

Scene from a 6th grade art room

Outspoken Female Student: Ms. Art Teacher, are you pregnant?
6th Grade Class (in unison): *Gasp*
Ms. Art Teacher: What? What kind of question is that?
OFS (stammering): Well... it's just that... well... you... they... they said the only reason someone would get fa... gain... like that... is because your pregnant.
Ms. Art Teacher: Please turn around and get back to work.
OFS: I didn't mean you... I wasn't saying that... I mean, I don't think you're fat... I...
Table mates (whispering): Shut up.

20 minutes later...

OFS (in an excited outburst): See! He thinks you're pregnant too!
Ms. Art Teacher: What, are you all just talking about me now?
OFS: Well, are you?

End Scene.

As it just so happens, I am pregnant. About 16 weeks. But I wasn't about to spill the beans to my 6th grade class like that. Better to let them squirm for awhile. I was highly amused by the scene that took place today and couldn't stop laughing to myself (which was a great relief after the Kindergarten class that had me this close to tears. Literally. I'm very weepy today. Plus, they were the worst behaved they've ever been since the start of the school year).
 
I've only told one out of three of my schools the news, mainly because my doctor's appointments are all falling on days I'm at that one school. I have yet to decide how or when to tell my other two schools, but then I thought it might be fun to see who brings it up first. Looks like my 6th graders beat the adults to it. Which makes me wonder, are 6th graders more observant than adults, or are they just more curious and outspoken? Which also makes me wonder, have they noticed that I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for the past month and a half?